Sunday, 19 November 2017

Christmas present

This is not a catch-up post - it's an opinion piece and most likely a bit of rant. So if you're not in the mood to listen to my whining, feel free to skip this post.

As regular readers you're aware that my adult daughter D and her son Eli are living with me again.  She's basically homeless, as J, Eli's father doesn't want her living with him, she's worn out her welcome at her friend M's, and she doesn't have the resources to live anywhere on her own.  I suspect even when she returns to work in February she'll be hard-pressed to find anyone willing to rent to her.  Yes, she's messed up her life that badly - much of it due to her off-again, on-again, off-again relationship with J.

This morning, I was cleaning the kitchen cupboards of their clutter.  She's been doing Christmas baking so I've expected her to do the dishes and put things away.  She does...but in such a haphazard manner that it is near impossible to find what you are looking for.  It's been driving me nuts so this morning, after a cup of coffee I got busy and started sorting through the pantry.  D wandered in and I asked her to clear out the lazy susan.  

As we were working, she mentioned something about Christmas.  I confirmed that she and J are no longer a couple, and then I informed her I did not want him in my home this year.  It's been three years that I've had to put with someone (or several someones as he often brings whoever is his current roommate) I don't like at my Christmas table (and Thanksgiving and Easter).  The first year, I even drove him to the local jail after dinner so he could serve a weekend.  Yes, that's how I first met him.

She was very upset, telling me she and J had already talked about it, and they decided to spend Eli's first Christmas together...and they had decided it would be here in my home.  I said she and Eli could spend part of the day at J's and part of it here, my son C doesn't generally get up before noon anyway.  But that isn't good enough, there will be no tree or lights at J's and she wants Eli to experience a "normal" family Christmas. 

After some to and fro'ing she agreed that this has nothing to do with Eli and everything to do with her feeling that her childhood was lacking because she didn't know her father.  Somehow the time she spent with her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, and her mother and little brother were not normal.  It was a real slap in the face.

I reminded D that Eli won't remember this Christmas.  If and when, she and J formalize their custody arrangement, the likelihood of him remembering a Christmas with both his parents is slim to not at all.  This is his normal, just as living in a single parent family was hers.  

She immediately stormed off to her room (Eli, thankfully napped through this) and when the baby awoke she headed off to see J.  I know she'll be back later, though she mentioned something about leaving Eli with J.  This is her way of punishing me.  When we were arguing she told me I obviously didn't care about spending Christmas with Eli - so they'd spend the day in her room.  Yes, she truly is that childish.  

Perhaps I am as well, but I'm standing my ground on this one.  Despite it is the season of goodwill towards all men, I will not invite him into my home again. I will have Christmas early or delay it a day, but in any event, I'll celebrate with those I love.  

To end this post on a less cranky note, here's Sheldon "helping" me clean out the plastics drawer in the island.  I gave him a bit of a fright when I came around the corner!


  1. I feel complete sympathy for you. You are really really going through it with the inability your daughter expresses, to see things another way. Your way--- as you too have feelings, expectations, wishes and you are being a wonderful mother! I was a single parent too.

  2. I can only imagine how hard this is on you. It seems as if once a worthless person is in someone's life, that person can never shake them, and in this case doesn't want to. I hope your daughter comes around. If she is that childish, she probably will, and be fine until the next tantrum. There is still plenty of time until Christmas, and plenty of time to sort things out.

  3. Oh, geez...your daughter is great at emotional blackmail and taking advantage of you, isn't she? I absolutely think you do need to stick to your guns on this one, no question there. No offense, but I'd be tempted to smack her upside the head, even though she's an "adult".

    Good luck, I hope she learns to grow up at some point, Eileen. Sending lots of universal Light to you all...can't hurt. :-)


Thanks for stopping by!