Sunday, 7 January 2018

Life continues

I would not describe myself as a religious or even spiritual person.  I was dragged to church as a child (almost literally), until that one time my siblings and I hid in the chicken coop while our mother yelled and threatened and eventually drove off in a cloud of dust.  Well, I can't really remember the cloud of dust but I'm pretty certain she would have stomped on that gas pedal.  She was pretty darn mad!  After that, my church attendance was much more sporadic.

In any event, that wasn't the point of this post.  These days, I'm not entirely certain what I believe and it wouldn't fit the pattern of formalized religion, but I sense there is more to us than the mere physical being. It seems to me there is a spirit or spark that is within makes us who we are, outside of the physical.  While the physical ends, I wonder, what happens to that part of us?  Does that continue in some other time or space...or when we die, is that truly the end? This week, I had two moments that made me feel it is more likely the former.  

As all of you who have reading know, I've  been quite concerned about what the future will hold for my daughter and my grandson.  I've spent a lot of time mulling over various possibilities, tryig to envision how I might influence those outcomes, and as a result, have lost sleep many nights.  One night, this past week, I was laying awake with all my worries when suddenly, I clearly heard my mother's voice saying, "It's not your problem."  She said nothing else, and in that moment, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders.  I wish I could say I don't still have my worries and certainly my doubts but I know in my heart those words are the truth.  It is high time for D to make her way.  I cannot "make it all better" as I did when she was a child and fell on the playground.  I will not allow her troubles to overwhelm my life.  I was (and am) a single parent.  It wasn't easy, especially when the children were young, but I did it.  She can too, though I suspect her way will be different and more difficult than the path I chose.

The other moment came in a dream.  I had Eli with me and we were visiting the old farm yard where I grew up.  The house is no longer there as it burned down several years ago.  I was surprised to see an old shack on the spot where the house had been.  There was a new house being built in the ditch which I realized was odd but hey, it was a dream.  In the old shack I found my father, looking as he had for most of my life.  He was puttering around, heating some water on the stove, and seemed a little surprised to see me.  But we sat down, with Eli on my knee, and had a short visit before my sleep was interrupted.  I don't recall that he had any particular message, instead I was simply thankful that Dad and Eli had a chance to meet one another and wished that our time together might have been longer.

On a more earthly note, life as I know it continues.  Eli went to visit his dad Saturday night and I picked him up this afternoon.  I spent much of the last two days watching curling - the Canadian mixed doubles Olympic trials and the Saskatchewan women's provincial; in fact, the latter is currently playing as I type this.

Sheldon frequently watches with me, and is quite interested in the sweeping.  He'll stand up on his back paws and swipe at the screen.  

I often remind him, he makes a better door than a window.  Good thing I can rewind live television should I miss a particularly good shot!

The last couple of weekends I've been working on my projects.  I started a shawl last summer thinking it would be nice for my September cruise.  I was close to finishing it in time, but ended up needing more yarn ...and the desire to complete it.  

After making Eli's toque and mitts, I had enough yarn to make more mittens, then started a scarf but needed more yarn, which I did buy along with the yarn for the shawl.  I finished both projects last week but I like to keep my hands busy while I watch the curling so this weekend I started another set of mittens.  This last bit of yarn I bought last winter when I made a turtle blanket and hat for Eli (my daughter decided she didn't like the color so I simply added it to the stash.

Once I finish the mitts, I'd like to make the matching scarf but I know I'll run out of yarn so I guess I'll be buying more again.  It's time to find some projects to use up the stash!  

I'll end this post with this photo of Eli.  Since I've been watching curling in my bedroom, he's taken to crawling down the hallway to my room.  I'll hear him coming and play peek-a-boo with him.  He'd just pulled himself to a standing position and was peeking at me over the end of the bed.

He was just out of the bath, his cheeks are rosy, and it was nearly bedtime.  What a sweet boy! 

And so we carry on.  Have a great week everyone!


  1. Reading your experiences with your mom and dad gave me goose bumps. I don't believe in a personal deity, a Being that takes an interest in our lives, but I DO believe in Energy, in a creative force. And I believe that as all things are Energy, nothing "dies", just changes form. But who knows? Each of us has our beliefs (or not) and we find our own path. I also don't believe that the "ego" (self) continues after death, not in any form we can comprehend, yet that doesn't explain my own experiences or that of anyone else. *shrug* We'll either find out ourselves at one point...or not. :-)

    That pic of Eli is beyond adorable. What a darling little one. I hope all will be well for him, and for your daughter (and you). You are correct: You can't fix this, it's up to your daughter to find her own path. At least Eli will grow up with a level-headed grandmother as a role model. :-)

    Take care, have a good week!

  2. I have thoughts and convictions but they will remain with me. *HUG*

  3. I believe in God and that Jesus was sent to teach us how to live. It does not automatically follow that I am a Christian; though I try, I am a pretty abysmal one. Strangely, perhaps, I don't know if I believe that He intervenes directly in our lives. However, reading your words reminded me of why I think bad things happen. I think God gaves us the rules by which the world can live happily and peacefully. After He gave us the rules, He left us to figure out on our own whether we would follow them or not.

    I think every parent, every person who cares for someone else, is like God with His children: there is only so much you can do. You can tell them how they should live, give them advice, provide examples but, ultimately, it's up to them. As a race, humanity hasn't learned a damn' thing. As individuals, we do better. Whether it was really your mother speaking to you, or your subconscious in a semi-dreaming state, the words were true. You can do only so much. You will always worry, but D must learn how to manage on her own.

    This is the lesson from someone who has no children to someone with infinitely more experience dealing with them... In any case, I am very glad that you felt that weight lift. D is old enough to bear that burden on her own - and old enough to lessen it, on her own, if she chooses.

    On a much lighter note, I laughed out loud when I rolled down to see Eli's picture. I hadn't expected it, and then there was the cutest little kid peeking at me!


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