Saturday 28 April 2018

Lessons learned

Another work week is in the books, the weekend is here and unlike the previous weekend I've pretty much accomplished nothing.  We had a couple of days of meetings this week which took me away from my normal work.  But since that's been pretty slow it just made the time go by faster.

Every day another reason comes up as to why I'm ready to pull the pin.  This week was no different.  However, I've learned my lesson well and won't go into it here in this post.  Suffice to say, either I'm getting too old for this nonsense or the place is going to hell in a handbasket.  Perhaps a little of column A and a little of column B.  

I will share that I have been asked to attend an event in another office to share my experiences as a supervisor with a group of less experienced supervisors.  I felt a little honored that I would be considered as I certainly haven't the depth and breadth of experience as some in our office.  When I agreed to attend, my manager sent me the chain of e-mails which I read through for more details of the event.  Hmmm...turns out I was third on the list of choices.....the other two have even less experience than I do.  There went my feelings of accomplishment.  

At home, things are going sideways.  D and I are arguing more frequently.  Today I learned she lent money to some former friends and is having difficulty getting it back from them.  Deja vu all over again.  I kicked her out of my house three years ago because, instead of saving her money when she was working, she lent it to a boyfriend who refused to repay.  She ended up taking him to court, and was able to recover just 75% of the amount.  (It was a significant amount).  This time the amount is much smaller but since she's currently not working any amount is too large.  When I challenged her on it, she told me it's my fault because she's "co-dependent" and feels the need to help other people because otherwise they won't like her.  She tells me it started when she was a child and I would express my displeasure so she would do her chores to try to please me.  She even said, that was why she cleaned up the house while I was at dinner last night.  I didn't say, but thought "I thought you did it because you live here and that's what adults do". 

Okay, I'm not a psychologist, nor do I play one on television but I think I'm being played.  Whose mother didn't give their child heck when they didn't behave?  My mother certainly did, and was quick to use both her words and the back of her hand.    I did lend a boyfriend  a small bit of money once and wasn't repaid....never again!  I learned my lesson...she, however, has not.  This has been a trend in all of her relationships, and apparently has been extended to former friends of her last b/f.  

I'm tired of being blamed for her shortcomings, and frustrated that she can not, will not take responsibility for her own actions. The time is coming soon when regardless of whether she has an income or not I'm going to have to ask her to move.  I've told her already the only reason she's allowed to be her is because of Eli.  He deserves to be kept safe, and while I have no doubt she loves him, her foolish actions are likely to have a negative impact.  I wonder if, someday, he turns to his mother and tell her it's all her fault?

Speaking of Eli, do you remember the photo of the little guy peeking over the edge of my bed?  Today, he was walking around the bed and I realized he's now a head taller!  He's just growing like a weed.  This week he's really started to stand on his own.  He'll stand holding something, and it is as if whatever he is holding is holding him up because as soon as he drops the item, he too drops to the floor.  Silly boy!

Here's a couple of photos from earlier today.  

Eli took the second one, with a little help.  He was fascinated by the camera strap and I had pulled him up on my lap.  He turned the camera around so I put his finger on the button and helped him push.  We had a few that didn't work but this one was just too cute!  He truly is a happy little guy.  I guess we're doing something right.

Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!  


  1. Doesn't almost every child, in every generation, blame their parents for x, y, or z? There's a difference between recognizing that our parents' unspoken messages or treatment of us or behaviour or whatever led to our own patterns of behaviour, versus using our parents as an excuse not to take responsibility. You bet little Eli will grow up and blame his mom for something! I hope he'll have enough self-awareness to recognize that only he can take responsibility for his life and make different choices. It doesn't seem your daughter is ready/able to do this, and for that I'm sorry. Our life journeys are challenging and we're on our own timelines, and that's just the way it goes.

    As for your work week...hmmm, indeed. A bit of a back-handed compliment? I don't think that's quite the expression I'm looking for, but you probably know what I mean. I hope the coming work week will be better!

    Enjoy your Sunday. :-)

  2. I don't blame you for thinking that you will ask your daughter to leave. She has to learn how to survive on her own some day. I realised a long time ago that my parents, while not perfect, did their best, as they saw it. I'm no more perfect than they, and certainly less successful. I doubt that D's problems are your making, but Eli may have a few that will definitely come from his mother.

    And on that subject, look at his little teeth! Where did they come from? Slow down, time...


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