I Maebeme

I've noted I have some new readers in the past few weeks, and wanted to welcome you all here.  I believe, as bloggers, we appreciate the comments (not the spam ones), as it gives support to our writing.  I know I certainly do.  My readers at this blog and my former blog have provided ideas, support, words of wisdom, and even the occasional well deserved (and kindly worded) rebuke.  While we may never meet in person there is a connection through this magic world of the internet.

For the new readers I'd like to share a bit of the back history of my life, my world.  I previously wrote another blog that is no longer public. The first blog came about when I discovered Blogger...long after blogs were a thing.  I've always been a late adopter.  I had a good group of readers of that blog, and like this one, I tended to write every week about my daily life, my family, and my travels.  For sometime I also kept up a funny Friday when I shared a cartoon that made me laugh.

But then I did something very foolish. I didn't stick to the script but choose to write a post about my work.  In the post, I made a few comments that were offside and that mistake cost me dearly.  It never dawned on me that anyone other than my loyal core group of readers was reading the blog.  But there was at least one person who had worked with me in the past, who did read it and shared it with one of my staff.  And although our corporate policy was a conflict with someone it was to be dealt with at the lowest level this individual chose to, instead, take it to our senior manager.  Not only that, but she circulated the post among many of the other employees in our division.  Initially I was not aware this had happened but sometime later, I received a request for a meeting with my manager and her manager, along with a union representative.  At that meeting, although I asked, I was told I could not know who had brought this forward.  I only found out a few months before I retired who was responsible. 

When I learned of the situation, I did take down the post.  Because of my position as a supervisor, I was also subject to disciplinary action.  But that wasn't the end of it.  The impact of my foolishness, and the actions of my staff member caused my last year of work to be extremely stressful.  I was shunted into a position that provided no real challenges.  Until that time I enjoyed my work and often called it my dream job.  But then it became my nightmare.  I felt like I walked through the office with a scarlet letter on my chest. I'm pretty sure no one was happier than I was when that final day came and I was able to walk out of the office for the last time.  

In the meantime I made the previous blog private, and thought about simply not writing anymore.  In fact, I told my managers that I had quit.  But I couldn't give it up, no more than I could quit breathing.  So my life, my world was born, and I took on the persona of Maebeme. 

Maebeme came from two sources.  Mae was my dad's older sister.  When I was a child, she and Grandma lived a half mile from our farm in a farmyard on land rented by my dad and his brother.  I was probably 6 or 7 when I started biking down the road to visit with Aunt Mae.  (Grandma was blind and deaf at this point, she sat in a chair and rocked most of the day).  Aunt Mae was the one who taught me to knit, she pretended to drive us on trips in her car, and always had peppermints in a tin.  I have so many wonderful memories of the times we spent with her.  She passed away the year my daughter was born. 

The phrase may be me was the other source.  I wanted a spot where I could be me.  Where I could write as I pleased without the fear that my words might be held against me.  Though I made certain never to write about work again, I also ensured there was no connection between my original blog and this one.  As far as I know, my blog has not been discovered by former co-workers.  Even if it has, I've not shared anything in this post that would identify any particular person. 

Today I will share that my name is Eileen.  I'm a 60 year old woman, never married, with two adult children and the most adorable grandson. (I may be a little biased).  I do regret my momentary lapse in judgement that brought me here, but only because it hurt some individuals I worked with.  I don't regret creating this new blog, although I lost some readers, not only because some very special people followed me here, but because I've met many others through it.  

Thank you for reading, and for sharing a bit of my life, my world.  Your comments are always appreciated.

P.S.  Some of my new readers who have commented, don't seem to have blogs linked to their profiles.  If you are one of those individuals and have a blog, please leave the address in a comment or e-mail me at Maebeme59@gmail.com  Thanks!

  

What can it be?

Just a really quick question to see if someone knows the answer....

What is this tall plant with white flowers?  I'm certain it is a perennial (and not a weed) that I planted last year.  Normally I'd write it down in my garden journal but for some reason, I didn't think to do so.

It has a really unique leaf structure, almost fern-like, and the flowers are sort of bell shaped.  I've googled and look at images of unknown numbers of plants and have yet to find it.  Anyone know?

Lessons learned

Another work week is in the books, the weekend is here and unlike the previous weekend I've pretty much accomplished nothing.  We had a couple of days of meetings this week which took me away from my normal work.  But since that's been pretty slow it just made the time go by faster.

Every day another reason comes up as to why I'm ready to pull the pin.  This week was no different.  However, I've learned my lesson well and won't go into it here in this post.  Suffice to say, either I'm getting too old for this nonsense or the place is going to hell in a handbasket.  Perhaps a little of column A and a little of column B.  

I will share that I have been asked to attend an event in another office to share my experiences as a supervisor with a group of less experienced supervisors.  I felt a little honored that I would be considered as I certainly haven't the depth and breadth of experience as some in our office.  When I agreed to attend, my manager sent me the chain of e-mails which I read through for more details of the event.  Hmmm...turns out I was third on the list of choices.....the other two have even less experience than I do.  There went my feelings of accomplishment.  

At home, things are going sideways.  D and I are arguing more frequently.  Today I learned she lent money to some former friends and is having difficulty getting it back from them.  Deja vu all over again.  I kicked her out of my house three years ago because, instead of saving her money when she was working, she lent it to a boyfriend who refused to repay.  She ended up taking him to court, and was able to recover just 75% of the amount.  (It was a significant amount).  This time the amount is much smaller but since she's currently not working any amount is too large.  When I challenged her on it, she told me it's my fault because she's "co-dependent" and feels the need to help other people because otherwise they won't like her.  She tells me it started when she was a child and I would express my displeasure so she would do her chores to try to please me.  She even said, that was why she cleaned up the house while I was at dinner last night.  I didn't say, but thought "I thought you did it because you live here and that's what adults do". 

Okay, I'm not a psychologist, nor do I play one on television but I think I'm being played.  Whose mother didn't give their child heck when they didn't behave?  My mother certainly did, and was quick to use both her words and the back of her hand.    I did lend a boyfriend  a small bit of money once and wasn't repaid....never again!  I learned my lesson...she, however, has not.  This has been a trend in all of her relationships, and apparently has been extended to former friends of her last b/f.  

I'm tired of being blamed for her shortcomings, and frustrated that she can not, will not take responsibility for her own actions. The time is coming soon when regardless of whether she has an income or not I'm going to have to ask her to move.  I've told her already the only reason she's allowed to be her is because of Eli.  He deserves to be kept safe, and while I have no doubt she loves him, her foolish actions are likely to have a negative impact.  I wonder if, someday, he turns to his mother and tell her it's all her fault?

Speaking of Eli, do you remember the photo of the little guy peeking over the edge of my bed?  Today, he was walking around the bed and I realized he's now a head taller!  He's just growing like a weed.  This week he's really started to stand on his own.  He'll stand holding something, and it is as if whatever he is holding is holding him up because as soon as he drops the item, he too drops to the floor.  Silly boy!

Here's a couple of photos from earlier today.  

Eli took the second one, with a little help.  He was fascinated by the camera strap and I had pulled him up on my lap.  He turned the camera around so I put his finger on the button and helped him push.  We had a few that didn't work but this one was just too cute!  He truly is a happy little guy.  I guess we're doing something right.

Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!