This morning was another story. My daughter is reaching the end of her pregnancy - just over five weeks until her due date. I know the hormones are raging so when the meltdown occurred this morning, I wasn't entirely surprised. She had received a call to go into work for a three hour shift and was struggling to find something to wear. Since I'm a little lot overweight I suggested she try to find something in my room to wear. After trying on a number of t-shirts she settled on one, until she decided it did't look right, and the melt-down was on. She raged at me that she hates her body and she looks ugly and fat.
I didn't try to reason with her, but told her that she looks beautiful to me. That wasn't the right thing to say. She told me she's gained forty pounds (most of which has been since the first of December), her face is sooo fat, and she can't possibly be beautiful. Part is this is due to the raging hormones of pregnancy, but I suspect it is more likely due to her long term body issues.
I won't get into the history, but suffice to say she's struggled for years and has never reached a period where she was entirely happy with how she looked. She was close to reaching that point in the months prior to getting pregnant. She had lost nearly 75 pounds and was nearly back at her weight in high school and university. I know she is feeling frustrated, and although there are only a few weeks to go those last weeks of pregnancy can seem an eternity.
What I did say to her, was that when they put that little baby in her arms, all of this will have been worth it. That did seem to calm her down and she left the house a little less angry than she had been. At least until the next melt-down occurs. These seem to be happening every time she's home....at this rate, the five weeks or so until the birth are going to seem very long to me as well.
Hence the reason I am holding onto that particular moment, because surely the clouds will come in again.
Oh, while I can't relate to pregnancy hormones, I certainly can relate to body image issues, big time. I wish you AND your daughter more peace than upset in these last weeks. The most important thing is that she and the baby are healthy and all is normal. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI think that pregnant women are beautiful; they really do look healthy and vibrant. I imagine that they don't feel so, and telling them probably won't help. Most people think they are worse looking than they are, especially if they have had long-term dissatisfaction with their appearances. But you are right: once the baby arrives, everything will have been worth it.
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